Eyes on the prize

I don’t think I have anything monumental to write, but I do feel that I need a little something to keep me on track.

Things I did today towards my goal of becoming a dog trainer:

• Get a “tough love” lecture from a good supportive friend
• List some things I could do to get closer to my goal
• Review admission and program requirements of Jean Donaldson’s The Academy
• Email the SPCA volunteer coordinator with an idea
• Look for an affordable, dog friendly apartment
• Start reading “Dog is Love” by Clive Wynne

Wow, that’s pretty cool! Steps are steps. That all counts. Let’s dig into details on each:

-> Get a “tough love” lecture from a good supportive friend

I frequently need reminders that following my dream is not supposed to be easy, and life is not supposed to be cushy. Growth can hurt, and sacrifices have to be made. Every so often a friend tells me these things, and I balk, and then I realize they are so obviously right. Is my dream of becoming a dog trainer more important than X, Y, or Z? Yes! To me, right now, it is. I feel like most of adult life is succeeding at things. If we pick up a new hobby and don’t succeed right away, we quit. We stay away from new things and new people for fear of failure and rejection. But when I’m positive and excited, I think I can go far – I can make changes, I can influence people, I can make friends, I can help the world be a little better. If I make a mistake, I can come back from it, I can learn from it, and I can have greater empathy when someone else makes it too. So, I must get used to failing, because without it, I will never experience success that is worth having.

-> List some things I could do to get closer to my goal

I did this while receiving my tough love lecture. Some people are more emotional-support-y, and some are more problem-solve-y – my friend is more problem-solve-y, and while I initially wanted to say “hey, what I need right now is actually just your sympathy, not a plan”, I bit my tongue and came out the other side grateful to have some semblance of a plan, and to actually have expressed all my concerns and had them addressed in a realistic way. So here’s some things I could do, with a mini paragraph to explain each:

Find out if there are other in-person schools: This was based on my desire to get an education from the “gold standard” of ethical, science based dog training schools, Jean Donaldson’s The Academy. I don’t think I would be admitted if I applied right now, because 1) I don’t have extensive “dog-wrangling” experience (as they put it), and 2) I don’t have my own dog to work with. It’s a 2-ish year online program, meaning that I would need to keep at least part-time work while I did it (even though I’m already saving $), and that I won’t be getting a lot of real in-person interaction from it. I really like people so I worry about being holed up watching and making videos. But I am also really rather determined to get an education from them – it’s so well respected, it seems really well put together and boasts a great community as well as solid educational base, and I’m not really interested in going to a different dog trainer school. I also don’t know if I feel qualified to vet other schools for quality. So I don’t really want to follow through on this point. :joy: :shrug:

Email random dog trainers in Montréal: This one is largely to increase my experience with dogs, both to make me a better trainer and to improve my application to The Academy. I could also talk to them about their experience in the business, how they got started, etc. I am not sure why, but I feel a resistance to this. Needs more self-analysis. 😉 I have at least started this task by getting in touch with Peanut’s old trainer and asking if I can help with anything, to which I received a rapid response: Yes, when are you free? Which felt great! Next week I’ll be assisting as the stimulus for a dog who is scared of strangers. That’s all the info I have, and I can’t wait for the experience!

Talk to my friend about his friend with a dog, and assess my comfort level: This one is really interesting. My friend has a friend who recently adopted a dog, and I’ve seen him counter-conditioning the dog – that is, feeding tasty treats whenever something happens that the dog gets upset about (a rollerblader passes by, for example). This makes me think he is working with a good trainer. I could talk to him about the dog, the trainer, and maybe work with him and/or the dog. And while doing all that, I could assess my comfort level talking to essentially a stranger about their dog problems. One thing I have worried about regarding my suitability as a dog trainer is potential awkwardness when interacting with new clients. Sometimes I am awkward, and I personally don’t love interacting with professionals who are awkward, as we can amplify each other. I also consider that maybe the dog will feel my awkwardness and be more wary of me. So, perhaps this is a low-key way to give it a little trial run. The most interesting part of this is really the “assess my comfort level” part – those were the exact words of my friend while suggesting this, and they really sold it for me. The task isn’t about “succeeding”, it’s about noticing how I feel – a pillar of mindfulness, which I feel like is a really valuable practice, and definitely anti-“success”-oriented.

Make theoretical training plans: I frequently think of situations and dog problems that I have no idea where to begin addressing. For example, taking home a 1 year old monster pup (where by “monster pup” I mean “acts like a dog who has not learned what humans expect”; some might say it “has no manners”) from the shelter – should you squeal and stop play every time it nibbles your hand, so it learns not to? Or should you wait for harder bites and only react to those, so the dog first learns a softer mouth? Is 1 year too late for that? Can you do it in every day life or do you need to sit down and entice the dog to bite your hand in order to start the training session? However, I know many principles of animal behaviour and learning, so I don’t see why I can’t try to come up with logical instructions for those potential situations. This activity would challenge me, be good practice for the future, and help me come up with questions to ask more experienced trainers when I get the chance.

Phewph, this post is getting pretty long – I think it’s maybe time to call it a day. To be continued, and thanks for coming along for the ride. 🙂

 

I’m back

I’m back!! But pnut’s not.

It’s ok, it’s not the end of the world, he didn’t die, he isn’t even hurting. In fact, he’s living the happiest chillest existence: the dream life, sole child of empty nesters. 😉 Peanut now lives with my parents. They dote on him like the sweetheart he is :heart_eyes: Sharing popcorn while watching sports with him, giving him bacon when they have pancakes and bacon for breakfast, taking him for long romantic walks. They treat him like the dog he has always been. I think it’s amazing for him.

He also shares the house with another dog – in my 5 years of having him, I never let him befriend another dog. I was scared he would hurt them or get in a fight. But my parents introduced them gradually, and now after almost a year, he is finally bonding with his buddy Bubby. ❤ This is exactly what I mean – they didn’t panic about the introduction, they just did it. They don’t coddle and panic about him or his training or his barking. He’s just a dog, who barks at the doorbell, and likes food, and sniffing, and snuggles.

It has been a real lesson to me. I was so uptight all those years with him, trying to protect him. I wanted him to be happy all the time. I wanted me to be happy all the time too. And I think by having that perfectionist attitude, I couldn’t appreciate the moments that were already good.

Now after more than a year of living without him – living my own life, wild and free, traveling, having friends over, remembering what friendly dogs are like – I am ready for the next stage. I want to be a dog trainer.

I’m so lucky to have learned so many things from peanut. Someone asked this question the other day: “What’s the best mistake you ever made?”, and at first I just thought well how the heck can I answer that?? But I think the answer is “getting Peanut” – I was clearly not ready in many ways to own such a difficult dog, but he also enriched my life in so many ways. Re-reading these old blog posts is beautiful and heart-breaking all in one. I loved him so much. He was my life. And now he lives on the other side of the country, because I cared too much – that’s a whole other post. But I still love him so much and I’m so grateful to him, and to my parents for having room in their hearts and home for him, and for modelling the kind of trusting love I needed to see. They trust him to make his own good decisions. They trust him to meet new dogs and people. They trust him to survive seeing the scary vacuum. And sometimes, maybe all he needed was someone to believe in him like that.

And now, I’m ready to believe in myself like that, and I’m ready to believe in every other dog and person I meet like that. To ascribe them goodwill, to tell them they can do it, to hold their hands and paws when they need me, and not when they don’t. I’ll write more soon about the next stage (look for “becoming a dog trainer” category posts) – until then, believe in yourselves and your dogs; hold their paws, but not too much, and only if they like it too. You are a powerful team together. I love you all. ❤

Madness

Madness, as in craziness, and as in angriness (apparently that’s not a word…how unfortunate).

I feel as though I have made zero progress, ahem, dogress this entire summer. Today on walkies I picked him up because two dogs came racing out of their front yard where they were loose, barking and growling at him. Not friendly like at least the last guy was. The owner got up from where she was working and eventually got their attention. And was kind enough to ask if I was okay. It’s one thing to have your friendly dog loose – still irresponsible, but understandable at least. But it’s another thing entirely to have multiple obnoxious and potentially vicious dogs completely uncontrolled, just waiting for somebody to walk by to pounce on them. Hng!

But it led me to thinking where the blame for pnut’s lack of progress really lies. And the truth is, first and foremost with me. I will not say that I don’t believe these owners and other impolite and uninformed persons aren’t also hindrances to dogress. Most certainly pnut is not at all to blame. The lack of thought and time I have put in to training him are what matter the most.

It’s interesting, because this is a field that challenges me like no other. (Dog training, that is.) When other projects and hobbies become difficult (ie I reach the asymptotal part of the learning curve), I generally quit. And when other projects and hobbies don’t go as planned or turn out their best, I can just shrug and ignore them. Pnut, however, is not a project that is likely to go away any time soon*, nor can I shrug and ignore him when he is barking his brains out at a stranger, though evidently some people can. It is very important to me that he become comfortable meeting new people. Not only would this simplify my life significantly, but I could not help but count it as a personal victory, that we overcame his fears. Obviously the most important reason for working towards more confidence is to make life more pleasant for him.

One more complaint before I go. It is, in my opinion, a huge source of stress for pnut when the door opens or is knocked on or the doorbell rings. Therefore, I have put some time into ds/ccing him to these events. Unfortunately, mis padres siempre try to “help”. There is no way to tell them off without offending them. I worked today with peanut outside so that he could see there was nobody there, and the sound of the doorbell was muffled. While I was feeding during the doorbell ringing, somebody knocked loudly and several times on the other side of the door right next to us. This put pnut’s fur all a-bristly and his tail at attention as his eating turned very sharky, all indicating a high level of arousal, which is exactly what I do not want. I terminated the session then. And such things as this constantly occur when I try to work with nutnut on this huge problem. I knock once and feed. Knock once and feed. Knock once and feed. Knock once and – somebody on the other side of the house bangs on a wall for 10 seconds to “help”. Uy. I just want to bang my own head against the wall sometimes.+

* My parents have each independently asked whether I am taking him with me when I return to school…and my Father offered to care for him if I have no other way to find a place to live. So much for them never taking care of my dog, as they claimed so adamantly when I adopted him! They clearly secretly at least half-hope that I leave him behind for them to love and fatten up.

Screaming at Dogs

…has today proved ineffective. We were having a magical walk – well, not magical, but manageable. Saw a black dog chained up in someone’s driveway and thought oh great, here we go with the barking and lunging from both canine parties. But the stranger dog was silent! Phew, I thought. Pnut didn’t notice so I thought we were off scot free.

Until the dog was suddenly right beside us. No human in sight, no leash dragging, nothing. This dog appears to have been loose without supervision in the front yard. I started stuffing pnut with duck as fast and furious as possible (and trust me, I was furious) and decided to yell at the dog to make it go away. I yelled and stuck out my foot in the hopes that this would convince the other dog that I am dangerous or at least not fun. However, it paid me no mind. Now I am starting to fear the other dog trying to steal the food in addition to just being around pnut. Pnut had not barked until I started yelling, which I consider a miracle. But I yelled and he promptly began barking and lunged once at the other dog. This successfully caused retreat of the illegally off-leash dog, and I was able to coax Peanut to also walk away and eat treats treats treats. Then after about 30 seconds of walking away, I heard the dog approaching again. “It can’t be”, I thought to myself. But it was, so this time I picked Peanut up and kept on in the opposite direction of the dog. It did not continue coming up to us.

For one thing, I feel so stupid and guilty for yelling – I think I just scared Peanut more by doing so, thus negating my counter-conditioning efforts. I also feel stupid because there was a guy down the street staring at me. Everyone always stares at me when I am out with pnut because I am feeding him which is not what most people do on walks. I don’t enjoy it, and now I am additionally being stared at for yelling at a random dog which “nicely” approached me. And I imagine that they are laughing at me because I yell, and then pnut yells. One more to add to the list of reasons to feel stupid – I never considered that I may be instilling fears in the other dog. I don’t think dogs should approach strange dogs, but if it is loose without supervision I can’t imagine that there exist many well socialized dogs that wouldn’t come up for a little look. It is unnecessary to potentially plant fears of Jack Russell Terriors or girls with ponytails or whatever else the dog might latch onto. I can’t control whether nutnut reacts and scares the other dog, but I can most certainly control myself.

However, I am at a loss as to what I should have done. I had food and a dog, both of which (presumably) interested this other dog. The dog was not being controlled by anyone, my house was not close, and I am sure that if I walked away, the strange dog would have tagged along. It is ill-advised to pick up a dog being targeted by another, aggressive dog. I don’t know whether picking pnut up would have been the best option. I did it later on because the other dog was far enough away that it wouldn’t have been able to get pnut.

May I just point out that it is illegal and extremely irresponsible to have your dog free and unattended. If pnut was worse behaved, he could have bitten. I expect that the owner, if they saw the interaction, thinks I am crazy and poorly behaved for yelling at their dog. I detest the world of dog. I do not appreciate the super strong feelings I have about dog ownership and training. They make me upset. They make me hate people.

Water is Sweet But Blood is Thicker

Where to begin?

Dogbean was supposed to go to the vet tomorrow morning, be done with his antibiotics and the cone, but no. That would be too easy. So this morning he got up from my lap and there was a thick line of blood all down my leg! Yesterday I noted that his scab seemed like it was going to come off, and when I got a closer look I realized the scab was nearly being popped off because the area was swollen. We went to the vet this morning, got an additional week of antibiotics, and now steroids for two weeks.

The biggest reason I am irritated about this is that it’s nearly impossible to feed him treats while walking when he has this cone. That in addition to him being not very willing to walk at all, means my opportunities for counter conditioning are severely restricted. Yesterday I looked into force-free trainers in the area because I was starting to feel so stumped and overwhelmed, like I am not making any progress with him. It really does feel like I am not making any progress with him. And this summer was supposed to be my chance to turn everything around for us, so that we could have a wonderful next year at school, hanging out with all our dog and people friends.

However, I took him out for a walk tonight because he was rather hyper, and it didn’t feel quite as bad. This makes me think that perhaps one shorter walk at a less busy time would be most beneficial; maybe I have been overwhelming him with so many triggers in a day.

He has been eating only duck and sweet potato (and pills) for a couple of days now, and the potential of undiagnosed food allergies is so incredibly stressful. I don’t know what to do, and I really do not want this anal sac issue to continue/return. If I continue feeding sweet potato and duck, I have to add a specialized supplement, and keep it up for 2 to 3 months before I can begin adding in anything. I don’t know if he even has allergies at all to anything – he did do a fair bit of licking (before the cone), but his skin and coat are generally quite nice and he doesn’t itch particularly much. I am considering trying out a new kibble – limited and novel ingredient, and high fat. Limited novel ingredient basis obviously in case of food allergies, and high fat so that they are delicious and therefore motivating enough to use for training. I am confused and I hate decisions. I have three dog nutrition books screaming at me, one I ordered, one from the public library and one on lend from the vet. It must be nice to be not scientifically minded, and just believe anything you hear on TV or read on the internet. I have trouble trusting “experts”, I am so skeptical!

Are you supposed to conclude these things somehow? I hated essays in high school.

Growling & Barking

We found a baseball in the park yesterday which he was extremely possessive over. Lots of mean growling, and lately he has been doing a lot more barking, particularly in the backyard with his (favourite orange) ball. He barks if you don’t come get it and throw it, but he barks if you approach it, and darts in and barks if you reach for it, as if to nip. It is rather alarming, not to mention the barking just feels insulting as I can’t do anything right. So yesterday and today I have just been approaching him with it and offering treats, giving him treats for putting it down, etc. Normally if he put it down, I would grab it and throw it, but now I am feeding and then backing away and encouraging him to get the ball back himself. I suspect he might be frustrated because it is more difficult to take possession of the ball while wearing the cone, and since he can’t pick it up, he vocalizes.

Other reasons he may be vocalizing more in general:

– excess energy because he can’t/won’t do anything with the cone on

– more opportunities here (backyard) to practice this behaviour with no bad consequences

– rewarded with attention, food, or being let in to the house

I am trying to prevent him from getting upset enough (i.e. when left alone) to whine or bark, but sometimes I fail and he begins. I can (miserably, all the while beating myself up) wait him out, but the other occupants of the house cannot, and they either call him away for attention (thus rewarding it) or shoo him (also rewarding it because dogs do not understand words, only attention).

Problems dog. God forbid, however, that I express any of my misgivings or grievances regarding this dog, lest I be punished with “told you so”s until I am plastered in them, unable to move or think.

Delivery

I need to work on treat delivery and training mechanics. I have been to a couple of puppy classes where I got to work with adorable munchkins, and I am slow and clumsy (ha ha, just like the puppies!). When I take pnut+cone for walks and need to give him counter conditioning treats, it is such a mess, with him jumping up and smearing food all over his cone or getting it stuck to his chin. I knew that usually he sort-of jumps up to get treats while we walk, but I didn’t think it was a big problem. I have certainly heard that mechanics are crucial and treat delivery, especially for counter conditioning, should be straight to the mouth.
When we are out walking, he is almost always far enough away from me that I have to call him to me in order to feed, which changes the situation from counter conditioning to operant conditioning. This is bad. For whatever reason, during today’s walk, he mostly stayed right by me, making things a lot easier. Also in the last day I have seen improvement in terms of him keeping “four on the floor” for treats while walking, which I gleefully attribute to my realizing that I feed too high and trying to keep it lower.
A friend of mine is attending Chicken Camp with Bob Bailey, which I would absolutely love to do. Though at this point it would probably be more than I can handle. I read through the descriptions for his courses, and just as I pretty much knew, they are almost all about mechanics – speed, coordination, cutting out “noise”. I am so sure that I have awful mechanics, but I get away with it because my dog is a genius. For this reason, I am extremely grateful for the chances to work with puppies, with short attention spans requiring high rates of reinforcement and constant engagement.

Energy

At various points today, PNUT has been a flaming bouncing ball of energy. He has also been more vocal in general lately. I am not a fan of this. Right now he is whining and staring at me from his “bedroom” aka the bathroom, as he does every night since getting the cone. I’m not quite sure how to reward quiet, since he is normally quiet, and the only way I can reward him is if I go over there, but if I went over there, he would stop whining anyway.

*20 minutes later*

I told him to go into his crate, and stay, as I went to retrieve some freeze dried sweet potato chips. I rewarded him immediately upon returning because he had stayed and not vocalized; I then continued rewarding him at short but random intervals as he remained quiet, as well as rewarding for relaxed behaviours such as lying down, putting down his head, and turning away from me. For fear that he may actually be expressing a need to pee and not just dissatisfaction with his location, we then left the room to go outside. Of course, he did not pee. He spent maybe 10 seconds sniffing the grass and then sat at the doorway. Now he is begging for food from my sister. This allows me to sit quietly and not half focus on clicking and treating every few seconds.

I have to put in a conscious effort to use short sentences. When I reread what I have typed, it seems like a lot of non sequiturs. Feel free to leave comments on my writing style; I used to love semi colons until a TA in a music course made me get rid of every single one in my 10 page essay and exclaimed “Ugh, what’s up with all the semi-colons everywhere! You kids these days are obsessed with them!”. Hmph, I thought. I like them. Also, I used to produce a sewing blog, and I loved the writing I did for it. It was so…advanced, yet humourous. It makes me look like a simpleton here in comparison.

On the topic of energy, I like to live on the edge and plug in my laptop to charge at the very last second when it gives me the about to die warning. Because I don’t have enough stress in my life.

Moving on, Peanut dragged his rear on the ground today and his scab rubbed off, leaving a red raw wound which hopefully will heal nicely and not be half skin and half dirt/grass as his previous scab was. I just realized the chlorhexidine label recommends only using it for 7 days. The painkillers were also provided for 7 days. My personal almost entirely uneducated opinion is that he needed at most 4 days of painkiller, but the chlorhexidine should continue to be applied for more than 7 days. I simply can’t wait until he is back to normal!

Speaking of normal, he had the cone off for half an hour this morning (don’t fret dear readers, he was being held to prevent wound access) and spent the entire time licking his legs and paws. This is an activity consistent with the diagnosis of a food allergy, which was suggested by the vet in response to his anal sac abscess. I never considered his licking particularly abnormal before, but now that I think about it, he does spend a significant amount of time licking himself. The book “Dog Food Logic”* suggests that beef, soy, and dairy are the most common allergens for dogs. Time for more research!

Oh yes, this post was to be about nutnut’s energy level. Yes, today I was trying to plan my course schedule for next term when I was lovingly attacked by a jumping, spinning, and panting dog who would not leave me alone! I’m not sure where his sudden burst of glee originated, but it merited immediate attention in the form of a nice walk. He continued to be jumpy and stretchy and loving all day.

And we saw a skunk in the neighbourhood for the second day in a row! Or, to be specific, I saw it and pnut did not. Thankfully. Also an Eagle in the field, with crows dive bombing it and cawing like mad! As pnut and I entered the park, the grand and majestic Eagle took off with a carcass firmly gripped in its claws. Good riddance! I have heard stories of Eagles (do I need to be capitalizing “Eagle”? whatever) stealing small dogs for lunchtime snacks, and I like my small dog please and thank you very much.

Getting away from scary ol’ P-NUT as fast as he can

* “Dog Food Logic : Making Smart Decisions for Your Dog in an Age of Too Many Choices” by Linda P. Case, M.S., published by Dogwise. I purchased a copy for myself and one for a friend after reading this review by Eileen of eileenanddogs. She runs a fantastic blog and highly recommends the book (God forbid I think for myself)!

Peanut’s One True Love …

… His Ball.

Pobrecito has so much trouble getting it in his mouth – can’t understand why his paws have got it but his mouth can’t seem to make contact! It is adorable, he refuses to give up and it is hours of entertainment for everyone involved. He has so much fun!

Cheese & Hot Dogs

I’m not sure why I was so brain dead the first couple of days when I had to clean dog’s wounds and didn’t use food at all. I mean, he may never like it, but it can at least be a little more tolerable when yummies are involved! So today I grabbed the hot dogs and stuffed a couple in his face when I had a spare hand. My kind Mother holds him every day for the cleaning (terrible that he has to be forcibly restrained, I know 😦 ) and this morning he scratched her arms up good in his efforts to escape. But by the evening cleaning, he was much calmer about it. That is only three short trials using food, after two days of not, and already results are obvious! Note to self: don’t be a dummy; use food!

But where does the cheese come in? Every time he gets his 3 half pills of antibiotic, which is twice a day, I wrap each half in a bit of cheese. Yum! Cheese! And what a perfect time to train, when he is already getting delicious cheese. So yesterday and today, when I have given him the cheese in private, I preceded it with a tissue near the cone in order to counter condition to paper near his face. However, when other people were around, I felt terribly stupid doing so. Instead I settled for saying his name. In conclusion, I did not do what I said I was going to, which was do sessions to counter condition him to tissues near the cone. I felt an odd sense of responsibility, like I ought to do what I wrote on my blog that I was going to do. Really though, who is keeping track?! Obligation to a blog is not a source of stress I need to add to my life.

In happy news, the dog took a couple of cheerful walks today, finally pooped, and had a great time trying to get his ball while wearing the cone. It was so funny! He gets the ball between his paws, but can’t reach it with his mouth. He ends up trying to bite it through the cone, or pawing it until it is batted away and then runs and pounces on it. Endless hours of entertainment and I didn’t even have to chase him around to steal the ball! * And when I took him out for the first walk, he was so cheery, he practically bounced along the street! We ran into my Dad at the park (who was literally running). We had seen him maybe 5 minutes prior but Peanut jumped right up on him in a joyful greeting stretch. What a cutie.

In 100% not dog news, I painted a postcard today. I am proud.

*If I wanted to/was smart, I could use clicker training/shaping/positive reinforcement to teach him to bring me the ball and drop it at my feet or in my hand. I prefer to suffer.